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There is no doubt about that. Ultimately he exploded…" former Manchester United defender Gary Pallister. Twenty years on, the kung-fu kick former Manchester United striker Eric Cantona launched at Crystal Palace fan Matthew Simmons, moments after being sent off at Selhurst Park, still resonates as one of sport's most extraordinary events, even by the standards of football's melodramas.

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To understand soccer — at least in its native English form — and its highly charged, no-homo homoerotics, you need imagine a scenario so absurd as to be completely laughable. One hot, young, straight soccer player is about to take a free kick. Another hot, young, straight player on the opposing team tries to distract him.

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The Champions League final was brought to a halt last evening when a streaker invaded the pitch - nice to see the game's oldest traditions being kept alive, eh? Kinsey Wolanski somehow made it past security and broke onto the pitch at Wanda Metropolitano stadium in Madrid in the first half of the game, wearing not much aside from a thong swimsuit that read 'Vitaly Uncensored'. Turns out there's a good reason for this, as the Instagram model's swimsuit was actually an advertisement for an X-rated website of the same name, run by her YouTuber boyfriend Vitaly Zdorovetskiy, who invaded the World Cup final. In other words, this was no regular streaking for streaking's sake.

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Top definition. Look at that scrappy lil dude over there. He just beat the crap out of those punks.

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