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Should I run down to the corner store, endure the judgmental gaze of Marlene the cock-eyed clerk who works the night shift, to buy a box of condoms? Or should I just cross my fingers and pull out and hope for the best? I can't stand the baggage that accompanies buying condoms. But here I am at in the morning walking with my half-wood painfully tucked into the seam of my denim jeans to a box, as if I'm living in a pre-Amazon world where I can't order boxes of condoms discreetly and at a bargain.

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